Shippers In The Night
by tjmack
Summary: Emma gets bored one night, and learns about all shippers and shipping. Crack!Fic


_**A/N:** _First let me just say that this is only my second attempt at a crack!fic, and it's the first time that I've attempted it in at least three years. Second of all, I want to thank Dani-Ellie03 for planting this idea in my head in such a way that it was merely impossible to get rid of it.

This is just a short little crack!ficlet based on a conversation that myself & Dani-Ellie03 had concerning how badly we felt for poor Emma due to the many people that she is shipped with. I did actually do a little research for this one, and by that I mean, I actually looked up the actual definition for "Shipping" and yes, if you type "Shipper" into the google search engine then the wikipedia page & definition will pop up.

Last thing, I am more sarcastic funny than "haha" funny, and that generally translates poorly into writing, so if this isn't funny, that would be why. Also, the title of this is a play on the song "Ships In The Night" by Mat Kearney. Do keep in mind that this is a crack!fic, it was written for purely entertainment reasons. If you don't like what I've said about a certain ship, I do ask that you don't yell at me too badly. With that said, please read and enjoy!

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Emma groaned and cracked her knuckles. Her paperwork was done, and it was getting kind of late. She knew that she should go home, eat whatever might be leftover from dinner and go to bed. Yet, she couldn't actually find the energy to get up and leave. The past week had been horrendously long, what with Hook trying to kill Gold and Gold retailing. It was like the never-ending feud, and thanks to two of Storybrooke's most feared residents, Emma was stuck at the station until no earlier than nine or ten every night. How two people can cause so much trouble every single day, Emma would never understand it.

She stared at the computer screen for a moment, trying to decide if she wanted to shut it down and leave, or browse the internet for a little bit. Emma tapped a pen against her chin for a little while as she thought about it. Finally, she clicked on the browser window and pulled it up. After checking her email and a few other accounts that she hadn't checked much since she had been in Storybrooke, she found that she was bored. She hovered the mouse over the start-up menu, as she contemplated shutting down the computer.

Shrugged, she pulls the browser window up again. It was something she hadn't done in a long time, but it was something that she had fun with when she was younger. Emma typed in the correct URL and waited while the page loaded. Smiling, she started to type in random words to see what kind of search topics popped up. After a few boring searches, something told Emma to type in the word _shipper_.

Her eyebrow arched as a slang definition came up: _Shipping (Shippers) - is the belief that two characters, fictional or non-fictional, are (or will be, or should be) in a romantic relationship._

Grazing through some of the other pages she located one that had a list of all ships from both television shows and movies. Clicking on the link, she browsed through the list, giggling at some of the more hilarious ship and the shipper names. Suddenly she saw her own name on the list.

Her eyebrows creased in confusion as she started to read through the list, the first few were practical; Graham, August, and Neal, but after those three it started to get slightly creepy with; Hook, Jefferson, Gold, and Regina.

By the end, Emma's eyes were bulging. She grumbled lightly under her breath.

Okay, Graham she understood, completely and totally. Hell she would ship herself with Graham...if he weren't dead of course. That ship had sailed...or rather, it had sank, hard.

August, she understood, he was mysterious and gorgeous with just a hint of bad boy, but Emma couldn't find it in herself to think of him as anything more than a friend.

Neal, as much as she hated to admit it, was the most practical. He was Henry's father, and even if she would never admit it out-loud, part of her still loved him.

Hook, was starting to cross the line from practical to gross and unpractical. He was the biggest damn thorn in her side, and to be honest, she was lucky when she could stand being anywhere near him.

Jefferson, that just didn't even make sense to her. The man had held both herself and her mother at gun point. That did not make for a healthy relationship. Not even a little bit.

Gold, now we've crossed from unpractical into gross territory. The fact that the man was hundreds of years old aside, the complete evilness that radiates off of him is a complete and total turn off.

Regina, there aren't enough words to describe how nightmare inducing that thought is for Emma. Pushing aside the fact that Regina is effectively her step-grandmother, there is the whole 'she is constantly trying to kill Emma's mother thing' coupled with the whole 'she killed Emma's grandfather thing' mixed with just a little bit of 'she killed Graham thing'. You add all those ingredients together and it is a mixture that makes Emma want to throw up, just a little bit.

"I don't get it!" Emma huffed. "What in the hell are people thinking?" She groaned, before flopping her head forward. Well, sleep was out of the picture now, unless she wanted to have completely screwed up dreams of her dating each and every person on this list. Emma shuddered, and knowing her screwed up brain, she'd have that dream about Regina. How would she explain that when she woke up screaming?

Sighing, Emma started the shut-down process on the ancient desktop computer, before grabbing her jacket. She shuddered one last time, before shutting off the light and locking the door to the station. Emma realized that she should have gone home long ago, then she wouldn't be scarred for life.


End file.
